i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
