i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
