I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Boobs are out for the taking
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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