Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
