I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
