i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
