Plan B is the new Plan A
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
