I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
