I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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