She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
