I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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