You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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