I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Panties = found
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
