There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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