I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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