she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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