Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
