I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
