Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
