Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
