omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize