Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
