last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
