OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
