I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
