I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
