Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
