Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
