My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
