I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
