So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize