He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
