i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize