At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize