my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
