I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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