I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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