Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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