I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
