Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
