I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
