I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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