dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Randomize
