Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
