hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
