you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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