How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Still dying that you shit outside
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
