I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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