I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
