I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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