i wish my penis had a tongue
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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