More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
