I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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