i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
