Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I looked at my own cervix.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
