i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
