you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
