another moral hangover. fuck.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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