my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
