The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
