Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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