seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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