How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
