break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
