I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want is dick and wine.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize