i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
