i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
