ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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