im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
