chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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