Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
