No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize