I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
