Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
