Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A+ Viking dick
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
