u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
