Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
