what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
