I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
