I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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