i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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