Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
