Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
